whatever happened t our innocence?

this afternoon i was in my parents room fretting over my pathetic pay and calculating my expenses and all. this is what ive derived:

peanuts – 20% cpf – food expenses – traveling expenses – hp bill – contributions t the family & uni fees savings(which is really damn little) = 0

ok, seems like very thing is fine….. BUT WHERE THE HELL IS MY DISPOSABLE INCOME?!?! WHERE IS MY SHOPPING FUND?!?!?!???!?!?!?!?!?! OMGS OMGS OMGS OMGS OMGS OMGS OMGS OMGS!!!!!!! SCREAMS!

how come im like even poorer when i start working?!

😦 😦 😦 😦

and! tts not the worst. just as i was about t let the fact tt i have t scrim and save on my expenses t allow myself t undergo some retail therapy sessions and continue on my grooming regime and stuff. and negotiating w my parents about not giving them money but save it for uni and all..

my dad introduce me t this new term that i thought only existed in monopoly.

INCOME TAX

yes wth is tt man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is not supposed t be real! damn gay. its damn frustrating! i dont wanna work seriously! i want back my school life! arghhhhhhhhhh! someone just kill me man.

life is just so meaningless and depressing the mo i step outta school.

frankly speaking, if u were t ask me did i regret spending all my $800 away instead of saving it?

my ans is nope. as in, i admit tt i failed t take into consideration things like uni fees. but apart from tt i did not regret spending money and leading a comfortable lifestyle. cause if i were t die the nxt day, i would wanna make sure tt i dont die after a day of eating cup noodles and saying no t tt pc of beautiful cloth oozing style and screaming “buy me buy me! im meant for you!”. so yeap. no regrets. i had a happy childhood and school life. 😀

anyhow after moaning and whining over the death of my fantastic lifestyle, i still went shopping w carol at vivo! shop n chillax at GJ. wheeeeeeeee! loving it. i love high teas n coffee sessions. bought a nice blue dress t cheer myself up and t fill up my overspilling wardrobe tt i havent quite gotten t yet. i tell u half of those in the wardrobe gotta g. and mind you, my wardrobe is a kids one. im not so extreme. lol.

anyhow, today i realised the true meaning of – some things are not meant t be said.

learnt it the hard way. and i truly regretted.

anyways, all along ive been looking out for a soulmate.

but actually what is a soulmate.

different people have different definations.

all along, i thought of soulmate as someone who is able t understand you and share your point of view about life. someone who can and knows how t handle you.

but then again. how similar can 2 people be? is it possible that 2 people can have identical point of view and be in sync completely? and all of us have definitely heard of problems whereby 2 people have the same mind set and all. like both are equally stubborn and refuse t give in and all.

but then again, when 2 person is different from one another than how can they truly understand one another? and when someone knows you, it does not necessarily means tt they know how t handle you, ideally. key word – ideally.

like my close friends all knows me well, but how they handle me in situations are effective but may not be the way i like. so when i dont like it are they still my soulmates though they handled me well? and its normal to hope tt someone comes along and handle me in a way i like it, but is it the most effective way of handling me? are they my soulmates even if they dont know me well yet able t do things the way i like?

and when someones special comes along and it seems like they are willing and able t do things the way you like it, if not you wouldn like them in the 1st place, wouldn your expectation rise? i mean, its only normal for someone t expect more from someone whos gunna be their priority in life right? so when your expectations rise and they are no longer able t make you happy and all are they still consider your soulmates? and when they failed t do so is it my fault?

and seriously, how in sync can 2 people be when each have t live a life of their own? how can 2 people’s life be so similar that everything fits nicely into the picture? wont they even bore the shit outta each other? and tts what you call soulmates?

damn confused, so viola – dictionary.com

soul mate

–noun a person with whom one has a strong affinity.

soul mate
n.   One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity.

af⋅fin⋅i⋅ty

–noun

1.	a natural liking for or attraction to a person, thing, idea, etc.

2.	a person, thing, idea, etc., for which such a natural liking or attraction is felt.

3.	relationship by marriage or by ties other than those of blood (distinguished from consanguinity ).

4.	inherent likeness or agreement; close resemblance or connection.

5.	Biology. the phylogenetic relationship between two organisms or groups of organisms resulting in a resemblance in general plan or structure, or in the essential structural parts.

6.	Chemistry. the force by which atoms are held together in chemical compounds.

–adjective

7.	of or pertaining to persons who share the same interests: to arrange charter flights for opera lovers and other affinity groups.

so now my question is, how long can the strong affinity last? and define compatibility and define strong.

ok, questions overload! hahaha.

but i really hope someone can give me ans.

you know everyday my mind is filled w endless WHYs by so many random things since the day i know how t think, i feel that if only i bother t g figure out the ans when i was young i just might be the nxt Einstein or something. lol

anyways, till now, i still dont know why i g do things tt i dont believe in.

you see im nvr a empty space.

all my life, loneliness is nvr in my dictionary.

my life is filled w love and my life is great. friends, family and all, nthing t complain, v contented.

but i jsut dont get why i make space in my life for something i dont believe in.

for what? fleeting moments of ecstasy? well, i admit its fantastic, but it comes w side effects, terrible emotions and insanity. not worth it.

now the space is no longer occupied. and ive experienced the most horrible feeling ever. and i dont ever wanna feel them again.

im filling up the space and things are gunna stay the way it is.

my heart will always be occupied by the usual stable undying occupants. nvr again im gunna be so stupid.

life is back and im back t making people happy and all. 🙂 its good t be back.

im not saying whos fault is it for whatever had happened, but the chapter is closed and i dont wanna have such a chapter from happening again, tts all i meant. dont really regret tt it happened but dont get why and dont want it t be happen again cause its damn painful.

and yeap, the world is not as real as i thought it will be. the real ones have always been deeply anchored in my life and i do not have t be as real t people who arent.

i guess life is really getting more n more depressing as you get t see things that are way outta your comfort zone.

growing up is really not easy.

so, hang in there sweethearts. xoxo.

alrights. damn late now! 2am my gosh! how t wake up tmr?! work, bleah!

love ya all! 🙂