Be well

Hi I’m back again.

This is a rly bad time in my life.

My mum is diagnosed with cancer and I am really struggling to handle this. I am not ok but I have to be. Sometimes after the session with her I just wanna be alone and be away from her cause I’m just so frustrated with the situation with everything. I’m just so angry that this has to happen to her. The ops is coming soon and I’m worried as fuck. And I feel so so so helpless.

To top it off my boyfriends situation although less serious is not exactly good.

There’s so many negative things going on that I’m really finding it hard to stay positive.

Since Vietnam, I’ve been either in hospitals or w my mum or bf to keep them company. I think I’m getting seriously depressed. I don’t even wanna meet friends anymore.

I can’t feel happy.

I’m going through the motion at work. I guess it’s great right now given the situation but it’s not great for my career. I am not someone who will just whine and complain without doing anything and I did. I found a job I rly want and can propel me forward to my next stage of my career. Plus it’s in shanghai. I did rly well in all the interviews. But fuck. Sudden hire freeze. I cried. It was like my beacon of hope amidst all the shitty situations that are going on in my life and that too didn’t went well.

I’m just so tired with everything.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so depressed in my entire life. I really dk what to do anymore. And I rly dont wanna figure out or try anymore. I guess this is how it is when you’re tired of life.

Advertisements
Categories: Uncategorized

Sian 

November 13, 2016 Leave a comment

Miss you and your heys and hugs. 

Categories: Uncategorized

The most beautiful ad ever 

October 23, 2016 Leave a comment

​​​I am absolutely in love and obsessed with this iPhone7 ad. It’s so beautiful I cannot stop watching it. It’s the perfect moments I love all in one video. There is nothing more amazing than watching a balloon or balloons fly across a view. I cannot stop raving over this. This video is a dream come true. Apple may not have captured my heart w the latest iPhone7 but it certainly did with this. 

Categories: Uncategorized

Inferno milestone

October 22, 2016 Leave a comment

Today is amazing. I did something I never thought I’ll do. Never thought I’d like. But I did! I feel invincible. lol I went to town to watch a movie alone, just because. And it’s funny it’s this particular one. 

Honestly as time goes by I am more than sure that with every step I’m taking, with every lesson I’ve went through in becoming a better version of myself prepping me for the kind of life I always wanted. 

Ended the day with a final read that made me smiled : http://thoughtcatalog.com/rayi-noormega/2016/10/here-is-how-to-love-a-woman-who-never-settles/

Categories: Uncategorized

Under 

System is down. Missing you damn badly. Thought of you when you were sick. You wouldn’t let me fuss over you. And my heart died a lil more. I got to move on 

Categories: Uncategorized

Chapter closed

September 12, 2016 Leave a comment

E gave misery.

R gave healing.

M gave love.

D gave hope. 

Let my next be passion. Passion for life and love. 

Categories: Uncategorized

the end of the happy meal

September 12, 2016 Leave a comment

hi.

i needed to document this down and to make sense of what happened.

Ultra did it for me.
or rather, Kris made it happened. she got shitassed drunk and i had to bring her back to the hotel even the party even started.
so this guy from ultra helped me to bring her back. and told me to not worry and he will bring me back to the party to join my other friends. it was awesome to have someone that i can get that bit of support when i really needed help.

It didn’t helped that he’s an ABC too and whatever medical terms he said reminds me majorly of drake. the resemblance is too uncanny. they had the same vibes and genuinely wanted to help. Before i reached the hotel, he bumped into some girl he knew and we all helped kris back to the hotel.

this is where it happened. he left with the girl after we put her to bed and forgot all about bringing me back to the party. he just asked me to make sure kris don’t choke on her vomit.

I mean not gg back to the party is honestly not that much of a deal.
but to be abandoned by “drake” when I’m feeling lost and alone. that did it for me. One full month of keeping myself together just went down the drain. i panicked. months of fear and those awful emotions that i have been keeping at bay just hit me full on.

I called drake immediately. i really needed him. he thought that i was drunk and was being all dramatic. he didn’t understand. i admit that without alcohol i wouldn’t have allowed myself to feel all these. but it wasn’t drunk talk. i was emotional cause thats one fucking month or more worth of emotions that needed to be dealt with.

What i was so upset with was that every time things comes to a close, he never had the guts to talk to me face to face or over the phone. every. single. time. I swear to god i have been a terrible person to the guys I’ve dated, but with drake I’ve been on my best behaviour. I was fucking sweet. And i think i deserve a proper conversation to end things. I HATE AMBIGUITY. i cannot break up on the basis anything close to “because of work”/”i need space”/”i don’t have time right now to think about us”. FUCK. i had 5 years of toxic relationship over such bullshit and NO WAY I AM GG TO BE IN THE SAME POSITION EVER AGAIN. AND I PRIDE MYSELF IN UNDERSTANDING THE WORK PART CAUSE COMEON, IF YOU HAD SEEN MY WORK EXPERIENCE YOU KNOW WHATEVER SHIT YOUVE ARE GOING THROUGH, BITCH IVE DONE THAT. I NEED SPACE IS NOT NO JO I DONT THINK WE WILL WORK OUT. I CANT COMMIT TO A RELATIONSHIP YOU DESERVE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF WORK IS THE ULTIMATE HOOK. ITS NOT I DONT THINK YOU ARE WHAT I WANT. IT IS NOT I DONT SEE A FUTURE WITH YOU. omg i am so angry.
i know we won’t work. i think that was clear since our first “its over” during his 30th birthday. my gut feelings were right. but i chose to disregard it, ignore red flags. i blamed myself and over compensated. i loved him.

a proper meet up articulating our differences and telling me that he don’t see it working would have helped a lot. but i guess drake is right. in life you don’t always get what you want. i can’t believe he could be so mean. he’s the first honestly.

I’m angry. i really am. I’m still hurt but i know i am going to be ok. after all, i really pulled myself together after bkk. its just another cycle i need to go through with. but I’m terribly upset that this didn’t happened sooner.

and i can’t believe he said BKK was nothing to him. i should have initiate the difficult conversation there and then. i guess i was playing chicken.

i am tired. i truly am. you rly hurt me. not because you rejected me but the way you handled things. you skirt around things, you avoided difficult conversations. i guess this really is a key difference we had as well. goodbye drake ong. i wished i could be the one who did everything you wrote in your toast. we are just not meant for each other.

Categories: Uncategorized