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final chapter

ok after talking to joel on skype i really feel so much better.

i know i blogged about it just earlier this morning but i need to put my point across to myself again cause i really felt misunderstood. when i burst, theres no logic to it. quite thankful for mark too. and joanne as well. for telling me that why im acting this way is because of the deeper reasons.

and after calming down i can really sum things up in 4 points.

1. angry w because the love R gave me was something precious. like i always felt it was impossible. and it being real makes me thinks that its possible in the future. like theres a probability of someone who can love me this much. and next time when im ready i will cherish and not let it go. not saying i’ll go back to R and not saying im even hoping to go back to him cause fundamentally we both dont work. but its the hope that such a love can happen to me going down the drain that crashes me. n i called alia to asked her if she had feelings for R earlier cause i rather she be the bad guy than let R stained my hope.

2. that he said he wanted this friendship and right after i told him to be more sensitive he did pda on purpose. LIKE RIGHT AFTER. this is war bitch.

3. that he only took less than a month to love someone else just makes me felt what i thought was special v insignificant and trashy. like how he told me it was special and imoprtant and how much he loved seems meaningless. dude. less than a month how great can the love be. AND NOT BECAUSE HE SEES SOMEONE BEFORE I DID. i can let him win but its the duration itself that makes me feel like shit. shouldnt you at least take like. idk 3 to 6 months. there should be a law for this man, wtf, wtf.

4. THAT HE DIDNT TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH WHEN WE AGREED TO THE BE HONEST POLICY AND THAT IF THERE WAS ANY CHANGES TO OUR LOVE ANYTHING JUST ANYTHING WE WOULD INFORM. FOUL PLAY. BETRAYAL.

ok the end. im gunna throw this chapter aside and move on w my life.

people can misunderstand me as the jealous ex gf for all i care. cause i know im not. misunderstand whatever you guys want. fuck yall.

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