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settling is brilliant

suddenly i realised how relationship can really make people dysfunctional.

im not judging cause im equally guilty.

i think its really an insane cycle. like when you first fall in love like really insanely in love kind, not the meh ok i’ll try that kinda thing, and when you fell out of it you get horribly broken.

no matter how well you think youve become, the 2nd one will tend to never be the one no matter how potentially good you guys may be. i call the 2nd one the healer. and with the healer, its not like youre static, but you do everything you could to make it functional, and in the midst of it, you’re doing whatever things that youve missed or missed out with the first one. its like filling a void and/or the emptiness. or maybe a tinge of revenge to ease the bitterness or regret or whatever it is. haha.

then after it, it really depends on how many healer one needs. some settle with the healer maybe because they are severely wounded and drained from the “love battlefield”. for those who refuse to just settle, ive heard stories of a dozen and all and until one day they find the right player to play show hand or they just got dejected and decides to settle, and for some they end up alone.

as much as i have a handful of friends who are happily engaged to their first, sometimes i wonder if they really so lucky or are they just settling in fear of the possibilities. its nothing to be ashamed of to be scared frankly, i myself am terrified. but what to do, some things are beyond my control. or rather, i am not brilliant enough a person to “settle”. settling is not easy, and i really salute people who can do that. settling means whole loads of compromise, commitment and dedication in view of any possible doubts (including the possibilities if you did not settle, which is my kryptonite). cause in some notion you’re somewhat settling for something slightly less in someways regardless of you being aware of it or not.

and with that i truly salute settlers. and i hope one day i dont have to settle and find the person who i know is the best thing that happens to me. and if i really do have to, i hope im brilliant enough a person to do so by then.

ok back to my dissertation

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