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growing up inside

today is the last day of my exams.

but unlike the previous year. i don’t feel happy or liberated at all. partly because i know i didn’t put in my 100%. i truly regret. but the other part is my relationship w R.

idk what i did was right or wrong. but i know it is necessary. i hope i don’t need to regret this decision.

it is painful to him. super painful. and it is to me. but what really sets me bawling is knowing how much I’m hurting him.

he is truly the only person who loved me with all his might apart from my mum of course. and for that the more i strongly stick to my decision. i cannot commit or promise anything when I’m not sure. i need to grow up n learn to appreciate. i hope by then its not too late. but i need to be responsible for my own actions. and this is as responsible as i can be for now.

do not know what it is gonna be like in the future. but i am really grateful for him. i did love him, and will still do. i do not know what version of love it will transform to but we shall let nature take its course.

he is definitely someone i do not want to lose. he added value to my live and truly taught me stuff.

precious.

thanks for helping me grow. thank you.

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