being the eldest in the family, i was often left to figure things out on my own. and i kinda like tt. probably something t do w my pride too, too proud to ask. guilty of shutting people off. like how i did to my mum when i was a kid. she was trying to explain in her best how t g about in one math qns. my mum wasnt a teacher, she didnt managed to clear all my doubts and unable to rationalised it and explain it in a way a 10year old could comprehend. or rather she didnt explain in a way i would like her to. but she tried. but being stubborn as usual, i refused to just make do with that formula im asked to memorise, i just couldn live with not understanding how it works, the rational behind it. in the end, she got pissed by why i couldn just listen and make do with the formula that works and i sulked and tried to figure it out on my own. well, i got it wrong still and the teacher still couldn explain to me the rationale behind the formula too. or rather i was too young to understand what they both were talking about.

well, its a good thing tt i know how t think things through on my own. bad thing tt sometimes advices fall on deaf ears, i needa go one big round instead of the shortcut that people have told me about. then again, i just need t see things for myself, playing safe that i dont missed out on anything that could have been if i took the shortcut, figure things out on my own.

im pretty much amazed by how lil incidents tt happened when i was a kid reflected on how i would be now as a grown up adult.

i can still remember my mum complaining that why i want to do the long method in that mathematics question instead of just applying the formula. my lil bro was there laughing at me for doing additional steps when he could find the qns faster than me using the formula. but i felt very very very accomplished and satisfied when i did it my way and got it right. i figured it out on my own.

only now its not a mathematical qns. its life we are talking about.

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