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renewal policy

today I finally tried indoor tanning. was pretty cool and I gotta tan nude. lol. the only downside is – your nipples will turn brownish. hahahaha. my tan turned out pretty well and I got rid of the tanlines on my upper body. my bikini bottoms tanlines are still there though. super tempted t get the package but all of them asked me not to. oh wells, I do prefer outdoor tanning though, the company, the sun, the beach .:)

bought a 4 inch killer heels today from guess thanks t Shumei’s staff discount. haha! its meant for butter’s dancefloor and im thinking new year. 2009 sucked pretty badly for me. and I would definitely want a new start for 2010. I really am using dec t clean up the mess. determined t make the year ahead a good one. Doris made me realise what I can become and it kinda reminded me of my goals for myself. coming out of someone more senior than me means something.

and after the talk w Shumei I am finally able t find the right words for the behaviours and feelings. I feel left out. I feel left out since the day I stepped out of the education system. I feel left out of his life, my friends’, family’s and everyone elses life. even the people at work. I was never ever left out. thus I was so darn bitter. I acted like shit. too much pride in me. its not an excuse but I finally got the right words t explain myself. the root of my problems and unhappiness. and im gonna try t find ways t make it better. and I think i know how to.

shumei got me a super adorable organiser for xmas. im determined t make full use of it. a promise im gonna make t myself. not gg t let it rot away like the previous ones I bought. im gonna make sure im so packed I couldn’t breathe. I wanna be like cool om material. which I know I can be. I have the thang in me and im not gonna waste it. 🙂

ok. I realised town makes me feel so much better. I feel more alive, more things t see and inspire me.

and oh! my hairstylist gave me a xmas present too! lol. some loreal hair clipping thing t volumise the hair. 😀 awesome!

that all duckies. im gonna butter myself w all the body lotion and stuff tt I bought but didn’t use. its time t pamper myself, I don’t wanna waste energy on people who don’t deserve it anymore. its better t expect more from myself.

ps. I know im back t spending money like water, but just lemme be. its a expensive treatment I know but it makes me feel so much better. just this month I promise. I will drag myself t the bank in jan. no more procrastination.

“I’m not made to generate, I create.”
“I’m not made to comply, I dictate.”
“I’m not made to stay home, or to wait, I need t be out on the fast lanes to be liberate.”

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