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analgesic

horrible nightmares last night. completely worn out when i woke up. cant remember the last time i had a nightmare, must be ages ago.

but it was horrible. i guess it reflects alot about my current life in reality.
the stress and all. work. friends. relationships.

work-wise:
i think im doing fairly well in the aspect of paperwork n sales. but human management is really irritating the shit outta me. when im nice people climb over my head and when im not they complain. wtf, tell me wtf. what do they want from me!!!!!!!!!!! what do you guys want from me! fuck. anyways, i broke down to my dearest mentor again today. she ask me to go reflect and stop thinking tt im incompetenent n stuff n tt i should stop thinking im not up to it and everything is my fault. i thank god for her. im really really worn out. but i cant give up as i can see the efforts by my area manager who have been trying her best to make my life easier. im quite tormented frankly speaking. i dont feel happy at all and i should be when im earning double the amount my peers are earning and a position that not many could be in.

i realised the other aspects of my life boils down to the same problems i have at work.

sometimes i really dont know what people wants from me. should i be a pretentious/fair weathered friend who jsut know how to sweet talk and stuff n be there jsut for the good days? should i just be a sweet quiet girlfriend who wont make a sound no matter how unhappy i am and secretly seeks pleasure behind your back?

since everyone else is so much better, just leave.
dont dont dont freaking enter my life when you will be leaving. i hate it.

fuck this entry.

i hate my life now. i swear this is the lowest point in my life so far. i want to stay in bed for the rest of my life.

where is my angel?

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