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true to yourself

im waiting for yt to be done tormenting the kids so i can g get my hair cut n my nabeiyaki n my cream, and maybe a cd. n i swear her kids-are-so-adorable campaign is getting to me. OMGS. yesterday i actually dreamt of me cuddling my own(wtf) baby and putting him/her(cant tell babies looked the same) into those cots feeling loveydovy n blissful w my husband’s arms around me. like those typical commercial crap. n somehow it made me feel like i could be a good mummy actually.

this is damn scary. maternal love at this age?! i really am aging at the speed of light.

didn managed t get any good books yesterday so instead i bought some magazines t pass the time. the more i read, the more dissatisfied i was. im in need for some good book tt stimulates my brain. must head to the book store later.

was trying to organise my phone n clearing my memory space last night before i slept, but end up crying myself to sleep again when i chance upon tt photo w the both of us looking so happy n sweet tog. i thought tt i have erased every single thing tt can remind myself of E on the day he gave me the biggest wake up call. but i forgot about the bluetooth msg in my inbox. im not ashamed of being vulnrable n pathetic now and i know im giving my friends(esp sm n yt, but im trying to keep the no. down) alot of trouble, but i know i need them and i will continue to do so until im ok. cause i know i will be ok. i am moving on and their efforts will not g down to drain. the best way to repay them is t be back to my jolly self again. sick n tired of feeling like this but i know i will survive it and better days are awaiting for me. thankyou thankyou thankyou guys.

yesterday shit happened, n it reminded me to nvr bring any of my friends down by rubbing salt to thier wounds no matter what happened. people tt ive onced loved will nvr become the enemy thus there is no point bringing them down. and its not tt i will feel any better after doing tt. im not preaching but i think any one sensible enough would completely agree with me, and i think i have sensible friends. and i really hope tt those people who did those horrible things would g reflect n be sorry about it for thier own good. not tt it mattered t me as the hurt is already inflicted but if youre at least sorry, youre at least still human, reflects alot about yourself. ive gotta say im utterly disappointed but i really cant be bothered now. call me self absorbed or whatever, my no. 1 task now is t be ok and if youre not helping its fine, i can managed well enough. but if youre doing things to bring me down, pls just fuck off thankyou. im not a saint whatsoever, im just glad im educated enough to understand the basics, and i think ive handled the situation well enough given my fiery personality.

i thank joel for deleting those horrible texts received, i wouldn want t be reminded of the contents esp when its coming out from someone i least expected.

so much drama, i want t have a peace of mind.

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