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tough call

im supposed t be offline. cause im really damn tired. sigh. which i already did. but just one thing that caught my eye and left me feelinggggggggg.. hmmm sad?

i slided up my phone and wanted t text you. but i dont know what to say. how to say.

i wanted to say words of comfort and my usual hey, dont worry, youve still got me.
but is it really true? then again in what position am i to talk t you, t console you? does it matter if i did? will it be deemed as sarcasm? and again, y should i do it? are you worth it anymore? do you even need it? and damn my ego.

so here i am, turning t my stupid wordpress.

im am not a saint. i just dont like to lose friends whom i treat them like one.
ok frankly speaking. we can have all the friends in the world. but those that truly care for you and those that you’ll always have on speed dial, be there when you are really in deep trouble and save you no matter how much sacrifices they have to make are like.. a handful? dont deny, you can be miss popular blahblah but whos the one you can call when youre stuck in the toilet w no toilet paper? who are the ones that sacrifices their own time and really put their heart in giving you extra lessons to make sure you score well as they are SINCERELY concerned about your well being as much as theirs. well at least for me, its takes alot t completely trust someone and allow them into my world, me in my true form(ha). and it is even harder for me t accept people when i already have my current set of irreplaceable love ones, all tested certified and guaranteed for life.

and its hurting when things goes wrong. just like slapping yourself in your face.
you’ll just lose faith. lose your trust and afraid t trust again. yeap, this definitely goes the same for all of us.

all the negativities comes because its part of recovery. to heal what have gone wrong(which i still not quite understand how) by disassociating, pushing it further. but because of all these its even harder to mend. then again. whats left to mend? whats the point? what will come out of it?

its seriously a zero offense entry. i sincerely apologize of anyone felt offended. im not good w my choice of words.

nutshell. i wanted t gloat t be nasty t make myself feel better. but, i missed you. i really do. i cant do it. im not as coldblooded as i thought i’ll be. “dont care la” is much harder than i imagined.
😦

sigh. move on. move on.

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. June 2, 2008 at 2:45 am

    you can call me when you’re stuck in the toilet with no toilet paper. i promise to get you some clean toilet paper, i also promise to laugh my ass off at your suay-ness.

  2. sjong
    June 2, 2008 at 4:24 am

    You can call me when you’re stuck in the toilet with no toilet paper because i promise I will teach you how you can either use your socks and fingers to wipe the shit off. heheheheheheh.

  3. pepperonicheese
    June 2, 2008 at 3:52 pm

    walao thanks. hahaha. i duno if i should be touched or what.

    carol – pls be more humane. and remind me t let u meet joel who nvr fails to tell everyone my most embarrassing toilet situation that happened in sec sch. 100% laughable.

    sj – you can keep this survivor skill to yourself and remind me not t have any form of physical contact w you after you come out from the washroom. you must have practiced it so well u can even teach people. zomgs. gross.

  4. jas
    June 2, 2008 at 5:22 pm

    cheer up my dear. life sucks no matter what.

  5. pepperonicheese
    June 3, 2008 at 6:41 am

    i just rmbed that this is ur account, but oh well, i’m still gna post this while im still here. you should know who i am. i am seriously touched by ur words, i swear you almost made me cry. i’m sorry for neglecting, i’m sorry for all the nasty things i’ve said and done. and i’m even more sorry everyday. sometimes i just have to look at the picture. and i’ve seriously learnt from this lesson now. i’m sorry love. : ( i hope that we cld go back like ytds. you’re here! ciao.

  6. pepperonicheese
    June 3, 2008 at 7:09 am

    jas – im good. you cheer up pls. dont let anyone make you miserable. you dont need this kinda treatment.

    the you know who i am – walao its v funny like im replying t myself la. shutup and gimme a hug. hahahahahaha.

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