avant

met carol on my previous off day for some meaaaaaaaaatbaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllls!
spastics photos and she got me this adorable panda thing. we must meet up soon again!
if i ever have my own house. I MUST HAVE A BATH TUB AND JOINT WALK IN WARDOBE!

worked my ass off and met kenny for prata n liquids after work.

today is my freaking off day n i have t g back t work to clear some stuff. i am so not happy about it.

last night i had a relapse. cried again which i swore i havent been doing so for weeks. but im gunna be better i know. im just looking forward to my aust trip. everything will be ok after tt.

coco avant chanel anyone?
im thinking of tanning, coco, n half grill salmon. ONG SEOK MUI WHERE ARE YOU?!

 

mental note: find a financial planner, get a credit card, must save for aust trip. then again, i wanna get myself a pair of boots(all thanks to carol) n scarf and jacket and birks. gah! someone sponsor me pretty pls.

THANKYOU

TODAY I WOKE UP WITH A SMILE AND I REALLY LAUGHED OUT LOUD TO MYSELF INSIDE OUT WHEN I SAW THE WONDERFUL MSG FROM YT: IVE GOT THE SCHOLARSHIP! HAHAHAHAHAH!

things are finally looking up and im happy.

THANKYOU!

toy

just typed a whole chunk of depressing shits and decided to delete it away.

i realised i look better if i have ample sleep.
despite having to answer tons of phone calls in the wee hours i still managed to sleep to my hearts content.

and it felt good. i was only up at 3 plus. i felt like ive escaped a whole chunk of reality and slept away plenty of ugly emotions. felt peaceful i guess.

went t grab some food w joel n head over to sj to draw on his cast. headed home early as i wasnt really in the mood t socialize. i just wanted to be alone i guess.

today was indeed relaxing. its still not enough though. decided not t g out w my bro n mum tmr morning. i need more sleep. carol for some stars in the evening. xoxo. i miss her.

finally updated my ipod. all thanks to sj!

i should try n get some sleep now. bye all.

pre

look what ive found!

——————————

Private: merry my ass.

December 23, 2006 by pepperonicheese | Edit 

to everyone who’s getting my fucking expensive christmas present in another few hrs time, you guys better love me lots and lots lots more! ive just reached hme from work(the fucking midnight sale) and now at 3am on christmas eve, im fucking wrapping presents. and to top it off, in another 4 hrs or so, i hafta start preparing or work.

shall end the fucking and add some love.

merry christmas my dears. =)))
love u all~

 

———————————–

i wonder why i stopped doing all those sweet things. n i dont know where i got my energy from! hahahah

Dear you

Dear whatever god is it, ancestors too,

pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls let yt get the scholarship. she is very passionate about babies and kids and i swear she deserved to be granted that scholarship. so pls pls pls pls let the wonderful lady have it. you have to! its for the happiness of 2 wonderful girls – yt n i. i need her t get the scholarship so i can finally escape to australia for our well deserved break. dont do this to meeeeeee. i need a refresher in life. she needs to stop worrying about money and her future. so pls pls pls pls pls grant her the scholarship and ensure theres no epidermic or natural disaster on the month that we are gg n i swear i’ll be a better person. i will shower faster to save the earth and be nicer to everyone around me and wont complain about my bond tt much. i promise. pls pls pls pls let yt have her scholarship. i will cut down on meat if tt pleases you!

 

Thankyou and plenty of love,
Jolene Wong See Mun

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skylines

its pouring. would have been nice if i could sleep in more. but darn, i had to wake up early to do orderings.

i would love to be tucked nicely into my bed with warm tea beside me and gummy bears n frosties, equiped with nthing but a book or a couple of dvds, with nothing to worry n be sorry for for the rest of the day before i g out to town t meet sm for some shoppin. but darn(again), i have to prepare my meeting stuff and am made it clear to me im on my own.

i know what im supposed t say tmr. but i dread it. i lost the drive to drive my team. i dont like them anymore, no more sense of satisfaction. and i feel very pretentious to be acting all hyped up and goody two shoes when all i want to say is, fuck you all.

im feeling darn lazy nowwwwwwww. blah!

analgesic

horrible nightmares last night. completely worn out when i woke up. cant remember the last time i had a nightmare, must be ages ago.

but it was horrible. i guess it reflects alot about my current life in reality.
the stress and all. work. friends. relationships.

work-wise:
i think im doing fairly well in the aspect of paperwork n sales. but human management is really irritating the shit outta me. when im nice people climb over my head and when im not they complain. wtf, tell me wtf. what do they want from me!!!!!!!!!!! what do you guys want from me! fuck. anyways, i broke down to my dearest mentor again today. she ask me to go reflect and stop thinking tt im incompetenent n stuff n tt i should stop thinking im not up to it and everything is my fault. i thank god for her. im really really worn out. but i cant give up as i can see the efforts by my area manager who have been trying her best to make my life easier. im quite tormented frankly speaking. i dont feel happy at all and i should be when im earning double the amount my peers are earning and a position that not many could be in.

i realised the other aspects of my life boils down to the same problems i have at work.

sometimes i really dont know what people wants from me. should i be a pretentious/fair weathered friend who jsut know how to sweet talk and stuff n be there jsut for the good days? should i just be a sweet quiet girlfriend who wont make a sound no matter how unhappy i am and secretly seeks pleasure behind your back?

since everyone else is so much better, just leave.
dont dont dont freaking enter my life when you will be leaving. i hate it.

fuck this entry.

i hate my life now. i swear this is the lowest point in my life so far. i want to stay in bed for the rest of my life.

where is my angel?

true to yourself

im waiting for yt to be done tormenting the kids so i can g get my hair cut n my nabeiyaki n my cream, and maybe a cd. n i swear her kids-are-so-adorable campaign is getting to me. OMGS. yesterday i actually dreamt of me cuddling my own(wtf) baby and putting him/her(cant tell babies looked the same) into those cots feeling loveydovy n blissful w my husband’s arms around me. like those typical commercial crap. n somehow it made me feel like i could be a good mummy actually.

this is damn scary. maternal love at this age?! i really am aging at the speed of light.

didn managed t get any good books yesterday so instead i bought some magazines t pass the time. the more i read, the more dissatisfied i was. im in need for some good book tt stimulates my brain. must head to the book store later.

was trying to organise my phone n clearing my memory space last night before i slept, but end up crying myself to sleep again when i chance upon tt photo w the both of us looking so happy n sweet tog. i thought tt i have erased every single thing tt can remind myself of E on the day he gave me the biggest wake up call. but i forgot about the bluetooth msg in my inbox. im not ashamed of being vulnrable n pathetic now and i know im giving my friends(esp sm n yt, but im trying to keep the no. down) alot of trouble, but i know i need them and i will continue to do so until im ok. cause i know i will be ok. i am moving on and their efforts will not g down to drain. the best way to repay them is t be back to my jolly self again. sick n tired of feeling like this but i know i will survive it and better days are awaiting for me. thankyou thankyou thankyou guys.

yesterday shit happened, n it reminded me to nvr bring any of my friends down by rubbing salt to thier wounds no matter what happened. people tt ive onced loved will nvr become the enemy thus there is no point bringing them down. and its not tt i will feel any better after doing tt. im not preaching but i think any one sensible enough would completely agree with me, and i think i have sensible friends. and i really hope tt those people who did those horrible things would g reflect n be sorry about it for thier own good. not tt it mattered t me as the hurt is already inflicted but if youre at least sorry, youre at least still human, reflects alot about yourself. ive gotta say im utterly disappointed but i really cant be bothered now. call me self absorbed or whatever, my no. 1 task now is t be ok and if youre not helping its fine, i can managed well enough. but if youre doing things to bring me down, pls just fuck off thankyou. im not a saint whatsoever, im just glad im educated enough to understand the basics, and i think ive handled the situation well enough given my fiery personality.

i thank joel for deleting those horrible texts received, i wouldn want t be reminded of the contents esp when its coming out from someone i least expected.

so much drama, i want t have a peace of mind.

expensive therapy

i wanna watch the proposal!

my lim yan ting is backkkkkkkk! and i really hope she gets the scholarship! n we can shop like theres no tmr.

i know ive been overspending. nagging feeling everytime i buy things mindlessly. n i know i dont really need it but it feels good. heartbreaks are expensive my gosh. tsktskts. hahah. i still need those creams n cds n bags bags bags n shoes! so oh well. cant wait for my aust trip!

i like her hair. hahaha

 

this song nvr fails to make me feel at ease. xoxo. love this vid as well.

n this is so damn freaking old sch!